i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
