C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
