Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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