ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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