I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Randomize
