someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
