I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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