i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
