I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
