Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
