just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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