My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
