Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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