I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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