Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
