you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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