I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize