you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
