airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
