What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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