It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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