i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
