This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Vodka?
Forever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
