Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
