1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
