I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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