Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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