Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
