Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize