I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hippo gnu deer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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