Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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