If that was your dad, he is hot
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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