The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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