Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
