I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
