I just threw up on my dentist
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
