Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
