I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
