Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
