I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
