I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
