Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
