i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
