He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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