you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need water and some morals
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
