At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
