My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
