I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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