i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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