how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
