I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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