I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
