Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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