All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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