She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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