He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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