I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
