When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation