did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it