if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night