Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.