So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Four minutes until I can fart!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable