pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.