After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
