The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
