he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
