I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
