He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
