oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
