If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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