Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
