His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
