im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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