Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I party with great urgency now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
