Where is the hickey?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
