Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
