she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
