We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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