my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize