Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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