You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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