Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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