You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
