My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
