from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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