how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
