i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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