I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
