i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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